Relationship Shopping

‘Find the right match for you!’ ‘Are you compatible? Take our test and find out!’ ‘Have fun without commitment!’

In our consumer society we have applied our critical eye not only to the products we buy, but also to the people we love. It is no longer as simple as it may have been in the past, a business relationship, a partnership where each provides certain benefits for the other. We are horrified to hear of arranged marriages. What a violation of freedom, of personal choice!

I suppose I cannot give witness to what happened in prehistoric times. Did men and women ‘love’ each other in the way we think of it today? Was there ‘romance?’ It seems likely that, being people basically similar to us, they would have had similar tendencies and desires. Perhaps the fight for survival made the struggle for shelter and nutrition consume whatever need for romance they had. But I wonder how much of our current attitudes and values have been learned, as opposed to coming naturally to us.

What is the purpose of a romantic relationship? What ought the purpose of all relationships be? ‘Love the Lord your God and your neighbor as yourselves.’ I’m quite certain that ‘love’ in this context refers not to a feeling, but to a radical commitment requiring sacrifice, service, and giving of us. Ultimately this is simply obedience to God, which glorifies him and acknowledges who he is. This is the purpose of relationship.

So why are we so focused on what relationship can give us? It’s not ‘what can I give,’ but ‘what can I get?’ How can I find a woman who is ‘just right’ for me? A woman who will make life easy and fun, a continual high without all the lows?

I wonder what couples who’d been married fifty years or more would say is important in a relationship. After the novelty of relationship or marriage has worn off, what lasts? What is the foundation of that relationship? After our perfectly compatible partner’s novelty and special attentions have ceased to amuse or satisfy, will we get rid of them and go searching for another? God save us from ourselves.